Reckless Abandon

Reckless - 1 : marked by lack of proper caution : careless of consequences

Abandon -1 a: to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent b: to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in

I have been reading a book and I tell you that it wrecked havoc on my life, heart, emotions and very will. Some of you are thinking...the Bible. Honestly I wish I could say it was so. I have been reading the book by Craig Greoschel called IT. It is a must read for those of you who want IT, think you have IT or have lost IT. IT points straight to God and his words. IT is not a substitute for God's word (Bible). As I read it I was drawn in by the transparency of the author. I felt myself starting to let down my guard in the comfort of my living room and let God use what he had wrote to stir me. The stirring quickly moved to wrecking me. The holy spirit was etching away at the mortar of the walls I built to protect myself from vulnerability and hurt. What I knew deep in my heart was the very walls I built to protect myself were now holding me captive. I wanted to be free again but at what cost. I knew that Christ paid the ultimate price and I knew that where much is given, much would be required. I have had to face alot of things lately. HUGE things in my life, things that I had suppressed so that they would never hurt me again. I didn't realize that just like magic shell, I thought it was just a warm covering...it did seem to sooth the hurt but just like that I was shelled. I had so disconnected myself from the emotions that needed to be dealt with that now I couldn't shed tears. I could only feel anger and hurt start to swell. This is where I found myself when I started asking God to talk to me about me. As I read the pages of the book, I decided that a little chiseling was ok! I felt that I could be honest with myself but I never wanted to be that open with anyone else. (EVER) I mean I had to still be a pastor, a wife, mother, friend, daughter...so many count on me for strength. I started to feel that if I let even one tear trickle that I would not be able to stop them from flooding out. As I approached the end of IT, I couldn't stop the tears, my heart ached to be ruined by God, to be Stretched again and for God to heal me.
The cost for me is to say to the Lord I will go with you. I will run with Reckless abandon. I can tell you that the thought of reckless abandon of myself still has me shaken. I realized that through all of this to be vulnerable was my worst fear. I didn't want to be hurt. But I have told the Lord I will hurt for you, I will give of myself and become transparent. I have asked Him to break my heart for what breaks His. Lord I give up all rights of self and will never again claim them back. I am yours. Ruin me, stretch me, heal me and disturb me.
Just sharing my heart today with you. I have been scared to do that lately. Its all been surface for me. I love and pray for you all.
The Prayer of Sir Francis Drake
"Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely because we sailed too close to the shore.


Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst for the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
we have allowed our vision Of the new Heaven to dim.


Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back the horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love."



Currently reading : It: How Churches and Leaders Can Get It and Keep ItBy Craig Groeschel